10 and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.
That is one of the verses that really stuck out to me last night in my Bible study.
Why?
Because i'm seventeen years old and have always been single. It also doesn't look like that is about to change anytime soon.
And you know what?
That is really hard.
Actually, it downright sucks.
Three of my friends are engaged (one is going to be married in a couple days) and others have boyfriends.
Sometimes it's just like, "uh, God? have you forgotten me here? because i'm kinda really lonely and i'm feeling rather forgotten.... My friends have fiances and boy friends and i'm here like, Hey, what about me?"
And you know what?
those are some of the nights I feel closest to God. That's the way it has always been. When Dad was in the military I was often lonely, for similar reasons.
I've learned that loneliness is God's call to spend time with him. I remember when I was probably seven years old, I was lonely, and I remembered the verse in Hebrews that says "For he himself has said 'I will never leave you, nor forsake you.'"
Now, i'm being reminded that not only will he never leave me, but I'm complete in him.
Usually after i've cried my heart out I end up staring at the ceiling above my bed and remembering several other things.
He knows what's best for me, and in his timing, all my longing will be fulfilled, and it will all be worth it.
Secondly, I'm not everyone else. For the next two years I will be busy, and while I may enter into a relationship during that time, i'm not ready to be married. Not till I finish school.
and, I really don't see anybody up here that I know of, that I could see myself with. Right now, I don't feel a particular call that says "your man is here and this is where you are gonna be for a long while."
and finally, while I'm waiting, I'm complete in him. No matter how long it takes for my desires to come true, I'm complete, and whoever God brings into my life, is an extra blessing. A very, very special blessing to fill that longing, but God
That's a comfort to me.
Most of the time.
It still hurts sometimes.
"we're all stories in the end, lets just make it a good one. eh?" -the doctor
Friday, May 10, 2013
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Saturday, May 4, 2013
prom
I went to prom last night.
alone.
it was scary. At first.
Until my friend Jonnie came over, declared that I was being and introvert at prom and that was wrong, and dragged me out onto the dance floor, where I stood like an idiot until he wasn't looking. Then I slipped back to my place.
Until my friend Arianne go there.
Then she dragged me out too, and I stood there, like an idiot who cant dance. Until I started dancing, after which she promptly told me I could dance and shoved me out into the dance battle.
That was kinda fun. cause at the end of that there was only two of us left.
It was a lot of fun.
more fun than I expected, since to me prom is like a writhing mass of hormonal teenage bodies who didn't wear enough D.O. that reaked.
alone.
it was scary. At first.
Until my friend Jonnie came over, declared that I was being and introvert at prom and that was wrong, and dragged me out onto the dance floor, where I stood like an idiot until he wasn't looking. Then I slipped back to my place.
Until my friend Arianne go there.
Then she dragged me out too, and I stood there, like an idiot who cant dance. Until I started dancing, after which she promptly told me I could dance and shoved me out into the dance battle.
That was kinda fun. cause at the end of that there was only two of us left.
It was a lot of fun.
more fun than I expected, since to me prom is like a writhing mass of hormonal teenage bodies who didn't wear enough D.O. that reaked.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
5:30
I am not a morning person, let's just be clear about that, be fore the past couple days i've been waking up at 5:30. Something that wouldn't be that bad, if I wasn't going to sleep at midnight, like i did last night. My two lovely younger siblings decided to go to a friends house and stay late.
Mom and Dad went to bed and i was designated to stay up and wait for them to get home. Which they did at about 11:30.
I just crashed on the couch and watched Jason bourne beat people up for two movies. Don't ask me which movies they were, I couldn't tell you. The Bourne Legecy is still the best one in my opinion.
We are babysitting a four year old girl right now. She's very sweet. She's staying with her dad and he brings her to us when he works.
She loves mom, but at first she wouldn't talk to dad.
She is very opinionated. I asked her to get dressed this morning and she asked why I got to choose for her when she had to get dressed. I said it was because she was four and it was time to get dressed. She stated very decidedly that she wanted to get bigger so that she could make her own rules and stay in her pajamas all day. I told her when she was older she could do that, I certainty do stuff like that (but not really because I don't like pajamas. I just sleep in whatever i am wearing that day and change in the morning, pajamas are just... dunno, tacky i guess.).
she did eventually comply when I gave her the choice of changing in my room or the bathroom. She chose my room of course. who wouldn't? it's awesome. Well, I do need to vacuum it.
I had a couple chores to do this morning. so I haven't been able to play with her that much.
I was really sad when she was talking to mom, she wanted to know when her dad was coming and just wants him. That made me sad.
eesh, chores. so much chores. eeesh.
I'm supposed to work on my sister's dress later too. *sigh*
anyway. Not much is going on.
my arm hurts. and I have a feeling it's because I fell on it the other day and it's not healed yet from surgery. erg.
Mom and Dad went to bed and i was designated to stay up and wait for them to get home. Which they did at about 11:30.
I just crashed on the couch and watched Jason bourne beat people up for two movies. Don't ask me which movies they were, I couldn't tell you. The Bourne Legecy is still the best one in my opinion.
We are babysitting a four year old girl right now. She's very sweet. She's staying with her dad and he brings her to us when he works.
She loves mom, but at first she wouldn't talk to dad.
She is very opinionated. I asked her to get dressed this morning and she asked why I got to choose for her when she had to get dressed. I said it was because she was four and it was time to get dressed. She stated very decidedly that she wanted to get bigger so that she could make her own rules and stay in her pajamas all day. I told her when she was older she could do that, I certainty do stuff like that (but not really because I don't like pajamas. I just sleep in whatever i am wearing that day and change in the morning, pajamas are just... dunno, tacky i guess.).
she did eventually comply when I gave her the choice of changing in my room or the bathroom. She chose my room of course. who wouldn't? it's awesome. Well, I do need to vacuum it.
I had a couple chores to do this morning. so I haven't been able to play with her that much.
I was really sad when she was talking to mom, she wanted to know when her dad was coming and just wants him. That made me sad.
eesh, chores. so much chores. eeesh.
I'm supposed to work on my sister's dress later too. *sigh*
anyway. Not much is going on.
my arm hurts. and I have a feeling it's because I fell on it the other day and it's not healed yet from surgery. erg.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Humanism seems pretty dull after reading the three manifestos.
"As Humanists, we urge today, as in the past that humans not look beyond themselves for salvation. We alone are responsible for our own destiny and the best we can do is muster our intelligence, courage and compassion to realize our highest aspirations." - Paul Kurtz, Humanist Manifesto, 2000
That seems pretty hopeless to me. Being responsible for my own destiny seems like lot of work since I can't see the future and know what tomorrow holds. If I can't see what is going to happen next then it's awful hard to take control of my own destiny. It is true that I can make choices and do the best with what I've got, but ultimately, I don't know how things are going to work out. I don't know if one of my friends is going to get food poisoning in china, I don't know if someone is going to get in a car crash. circumstances change a lot, I can't predict them. I could die in a car crash, that wasn't part of the destiny I tried to take control of. Taking control of everything is just... pointless since we cant see the end.
I realize my highest aspirations. 1)become as Christlike as humanly possible. 2) become a councilor, but uh, it takes a lot more than realizing our aspirations to make them happen.
needless to say, I am quite content no being a humanist.
"As Humanists, we urge today, as in the past that humans not look beyond themselves for salvation. We alone are responsible for our own destiny and the best we can do is muster our intelligence, courage and compassion to realize our highest aspirations." - Paul Kurtz, Humanist Manifesto, 2000
That seems pretty hopeless to me. Being responsible for my own destiny seems like lot of work since I can't see the future and know what tomorrow holds. If I can't see what is going to happen next then it's awful hard to take control of my own destiny. It is true that I can make choices and do the best with what I've got, but ultimately, I don't know how things are going to work out. I don't know if one of my friends is going to get food poisoning in china, I don't know if someone is going to get in a car crash. circumstances change a lot, I can't predict them. I could die in a car crash, that wasn't part of the destiny I tried to take control of. Taking control of everything is just... pointless since we cant see the end.
I realize my highest aspirations. 1)become as Christlike as humanly possible. 2) become a councilor, but uh, it takes a lot more than realizing our aspirations to make them happen.
needless to say, I am quite content no being a humanist.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Thursday
Thank God it's Thursday.
I like Thursday. Why? I'm not quite sure, especially since there is still one school day left in the week and I'll probably end up doing school on the weekend anyway.
But that's not the point.
The point is that it's Thursday, and Thursdays are amazing. Kind of like Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Monday, not so much.
anyway.
I get papers returned on Thursdays. That might be something to do with it. I like having my papers returned. cause I like feedback.
I like Thursday. Why? I'm not quite sure, especially since there is still one school day left in the week and I'll probably end up doing school on the weekend anyway.
But that's not the point.
The point is that it's Thursday, and Thursdays are amazing. Kind of like Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Monday, not so much.
anyway.
I get papers returned on Thursdays. That might be something to do with it. I like having my papers returned. cause I like feedback.
Monday, April 15, 2013
On Politics
My family lived in Germany for several (5) years back several years ago. Because I was a military brat then and young I did not understand everything that went on around me as a youngster.
I just knew that all the girls on the German gymnastics team that my sister and I trained on were public schooled and my sister and I were homeschooled.
Since moving back to the U.S. I have missed a lot of stuff about Germany. The food, the sports, the swim-at-your-own-risk mentality at the swimming pool, and that fantastic kid's play places.
I miss that country a lot, and root of their teams a lot during the Olympics, except when they are competing against mine.
I love my country. I really do.
I don't like the fact that the Romeike case has gone to court because the asylum that the family has been giving is in danger of being overturned.
Germany doesn't like homeschooling, actually, they are hostile towards any counter culture. They don't tolerate much that has to do with Hitler or the Holocaust.
Anyway. Our judges and president need to get their butts in gear and do the right thing.
They also need to do the right thing about Gay/lesbian rights. That should be dealt with at the state level, not the federal level.
-me
I just knew that all the girls on the German gymnastics team that my sister and I trained on were public schooled and my sister and I were homeschooled.
Since moving back to the U.S. I have missed a lot of stuff about Germany. The food, the sports, the swim-at-your-own-risk mentality at the swimming pool, and that fantastic kid's play places.
I miss that country a lot, and root of their teams a lot during the Olympics, except when they are competing against mine.
I love my country. I really do.
I don't like the fact that the Romeike case has gone to court because the asylum that the family has been giving is in danger of being overturned.
Germany doesn't like homeschooling, actually, they are hostile towards any counter culture. They don't tolerate much that has to do with Hitler or the Holocaust.
Anyway. Our judges and president need to get their butts in gear and do the right thing.
They also need to do the right thing about Gay/lesbian rights. That should be dealt with at the state level, not the federal level.
-me
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
germany
Old news, but the german family seeking assylum here?
I'm praying for them.
Germany doesn't allow people to homeschool.
Today, I finished listening to an audio course. Thankfully, it was the annoying one.
I had occupational therepy today.
my hand hurts.
I'm going to take my teddy bear and go to bed.
yeah. I have a teddy bear.
be jealus.
I'm praying for them.
Germany doesn't allow people to homeschool.
Today, I finished listening to an audio course. Thankfully, it was the annoying one.
I had occupational therepy today.
my hand hurts.
I'm going to take my teddy bear and go to bed.
yeah. I have a teddy bear.
be jealus.
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