Over the last couple months i've been told i'm just not as happy as I was. I don't know if that's true or not, but that's the observation that has been made.
well, I can't actually say it's not true, because on some level it is. And life has left me we with a lot to think about.
late last year someone I knew commented suicide. I say "someone I knew" because it was a couple years ago that we used to hangout at the local stables and ride and we hung out at the fair and practiced martial arts together for a while (she gave me a sprained ankle that made me wear a brace for about a year.) but our friendship wasn't anything that really took off since she left the state and we didn't really reconnect when she came back.
but she committed suicide, because of the circumstances surrounding it i don't really feel free to write much about it.
and dealing with the events before Christmas.
but all that I can handle just fine. no sweat. I just hop over to a friend's house for a couple days while things cool down.
But what do you do when someone who was your best friend in the world becomes almost just the opposite?
I was raised a military brat. If there's one thing I know about people it's that no one really stays around except family. I"m used to friends coming and going. so much so that sometimes after i've known someone for a year or to i'll start to emotionally pull away from them because in the back of my head I think they are going to leave me and my heart will break. and then I slap myself and remember my dad is retired and no one is going anywhere.
my brother joined the military, before he left we were about as close as two siblings could be, now he's almost the exact opposite.
not only is he distant, but sometimes he's downright hurtful.
and that's almost worse than being gone.
and yeah, maybe that sounds harsh, hurtful. but he has everything. or could have everything he's wanted since he was a kid, and he's throwing it away or letting it slip through his fingers.
and watching him through it away is pretty darn hurtful.