I was listening to ben hur the other day. (btw I I have a story about ben hur) and I was struck by the line by Masola (SP?),

"were is the forgiveness your Nazarene was so fond of teaching?"

(don't quote me I don't think that was exact I think he called Jesus something else.)

I've also heard:

one goes in one ear and out the other in the first person his a second right between the eyes.

I got hit right between the eyes with that quote by Masola.
I realized that I have been like Judah. I have been wanting revenge. thinking badly of one person in particular.
this person did things that I didn't like. that was never truly resolved in my opinion. after that she didn't do anything. and that's the point. nothing.
It hurt.
it hurt a lot.
it didn't help any that I we believe differently.
That I was already unaccepted.
for a long time it was ok. I just kept going back. trying to make conversation. trying to be friends.
after a while...
I got tired. I began to, in a way, start needling her. trying to.
the bible says not to grow weary in doing good. to love one another as christ has loved you. that by your fruits you will know them.
I'm differant than the people there. and proud of it. I took what I knew to be differances. and threw them in her face. Not viollantly. but as subtly as I knew how.
I stronger.
I compete.
I work
I ride
I scheme things I know people wont like.

and then, that quote..."were is the forgivnes..."
I want to forgive that person. I beleive I have tryed and am succeding. but I'm afraid. what will happen if I let her be my good friend.
even though we may have forgiven each other the pain doesn't always go away
I'm sorry, would you forgive me.