so lately I've been really worrying about the upcoming tournament in January. because I will be turning fifteen and I will be in a new division. and I'm pretty sure of who I will be fighting in that division. and I am pretty sure I won't be able to beat her.
I don't think I'll cry when I lose. I think I understand why the other girls cry. they get used to winning and then they don't.
I'm sure I won't. I can learn from winning.
but I am afraid of failing.
of not giving it my all because I think I'll lose.
I have expectations to meet that I don't think I'll be able to meet and in my mind the stakes are high. if I win then God gets glory, my dojo gets another meddle and I get personal respect from the other fighters and the audience as will as my friend.
it's not that I need that but If I win I prove myself to myself.

If I come in second or third or don't place at all. then glory to God it's his plan, I learn, and I'm just another fighter without enough experience.

I was worrying alot over it.

So I was convicted that with God all things are possible. I just have to go out and do my best and hope for the best and trust god and let come what may.