I do desperately love my mother. I love her very much and I don't wish she were invisible.
I don't want to be rebellious. I really, really don't.
Neither do I really want to talk about cutting either. It's just not something I want to talk about. It's like taking the scab off a wound and pouring lemon juice on it.
Counciling isn't something I think I need or want. I think I'm ok.
Mom has the authority to pretty much make me do what ever she wants. My close friends, they don't have that power. They are pretty much on my level; they can't make me go to counciling, they can tell me i'm wrong, ask me not to, cry and be hurt. But ultimately, I have to either take their advice or toss it out the window for myself.

I love my mom, I wish I could spend more time without having to worry that we are going to be discussing how I've messed up/if I've done something wrong, or "how i'm doing" and just do stuff.

I should probably go to judo tonight. it might be fun. getting ready for a tournament.
*sigh*